I'm in another transition phase. After eight months in Serbia, it is certain that I am leaving at the end of the month. The question of "what's next," which is what everyone is asking me, is still unclear. Since this is not exactly an ideal time to enter the job market, and because I missed all the deadlines for getting into a graduate program or law school, I'm sort of treading water. Well, that is not entirely true, because I have the Roma paper to write and the ANS Conference to attend at the end of April. So my next weeks are well defined: writing and travelling. I suppose that isn't so bad. But it is the large black hole of unemployment in the post ANS period which is bearing down on me.
But what is the point of writing this? Simply that I find it interesting that I do not see the "freedom" (whatever that means) I currently have as a blessing, but rather as a curse. I mean, I am really free to go anywhere and do anything, yet all I want is for someone to come along and tell me what to do, to give me a job and define things for me. I remember a quote from my good friend Brian who said something like 'we want our freedom only so we can give it away to someone else.' I have to agree with that on many levels: personal and political. For me, thus on the personal level, I hate to be to confined and tied down by material things and jobs, yet when I experience that sensation of being so free, I run for cover and the 'safety' of belonging to something, and thus being tied down again, etc...
You can see this play out on a political level too. People were so eager to be 'free' of Bush, that they went and gave a huge mandate to Obama, rather than trying to reclaim the problems for themselves. Ok, maybe you can argue that in a democratic system the vote is essentially the individuals power to dictate how they think the problems need be addressed. But you can also say, particularly in the American two party system, there is very limited choice, and voting is just shifting power from one side to the other: thus freeing yourself of one party only to rush into the other one. I think this analysis is particularly relevant during the financial crisis (as it would have been following 9/11 also), where Americans are particularly frightened and looking for help. Obama really has a huge amount of power, because the citizens have given him a mandate, and no politician will seriously challenge him at the moment.
But we can also look at places like Kosovo and Montenegro and make a similar assessment. Both of them were so eager to get away from Serbia, thus in a sense freeing themselves of Belgrade. But both expressed immediate intentions to join the EU, thus giving up their sovereignty and adopting EU laws, practices and standards. In order to enter the EU, they must give up a significant amount of power to Brussels. In Kosovo, the situation is even more complex given the power of the EULEX, NATO et al. The international community essentially ruled by decree from 1999 until the declaration of independence in February, 2007, and today they still have control over virtually all the infrastructure and institutions, building them in the western image.
What this tells me is that we don't really like to be totally alone, that there is something of a heard mentality still in us, despite the supposed 'hyper individualism' of Western culture and globalization. I am free to go anywhere, yet to really do that would be to break from the group to which I belong, and renounce, to some degree, the desire to join another one. Just like with Kosovo and Montenegro, it is a precarious position to be in and can be very uncomfortable (because it is not the norm, and visibly sets you apart). Thus it drives me, and the Kosovars and Montenegrians, right back into the arms of another group, which can come in the form of a job, a relationship, a graduate program, EU membership, an ideology, etc...
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