Notes from a Trip Part III

~The Denouement~

The view from the bar on the 9th floor is virtually a 360 degree panorama of Prishtine (I am now using the Albanian spelling of the name because good luck finding a Serb in this city). At night, with the snow falling and lights twinkling, it looks nice and peaceful. But the paradox of this situation does not escape me: sitting at the highest point in the city, looking down, are westernized Kosovo Albanians and international staff, drinking and living well. We, and I say 'we' because I am just as guilty as them, live better than 90% of the country, we are exempt from many of the rules (which begs a debate on the validity of 'rule of law' when it only applies to some), and we have executive powers here.

As I stuffed salty peanuts into my mouth and drank German beer, I wondered if I was a modern colonist? Sure, I wasn't running slaves, and the work being done by the International Community was technically empowering the local population; in colonial times, the locals would have been used to extract wealth, which would have been sent back to the Father / Mother land. Today the set up is different, but I cannot help think that all roads still lead to Rome.

The international community entered Kosovo on a humanitarian mission, protecting local populations of Albanian nationals from Serbian aggressions. They succeeded, and then set about rebuilding the region, but not as a province of Serbia, rather as an independent state, with its own institutions. Now Prishtine offers many of the comforts of western life: fancy bars, Karaoke and bad cover bands (all singing in English), nice apartment buildings, casinos, prostitution and a thriving drug trade. 

As I pondered this, I was being grilled by an ethnically Turkish Kosovar woman. It was twenty questions, but I only really remember telling her that I was listening to a lot of Cake and Clash songs at the moment. I told her to look them up on Youtube, and she told me I would find work in Kosovo, that she never learned German even though she had dated a German guy for a few years. She insisted she loved the language and would still like to learn it. These less-than-subtle comments were not lost on me, and I began to urge D and A, the German contingent, to take me to dinner. They obliged, but not before I at least took the contact info of my new, ethnically Turkish Kosovar friend. It is the polite thing to do, after all.

We ended up at a fancy place with only international customers; no serbs, and Albanians were only featured as staff. Despite the fancy-ness of the place, the Maitre d'Hotel still greeted me with welcome man! Well, I was wearing a baseball hat. We ate well, drank even better, then went to A's apartment and crashed.

I awoke to a German Breakfast setup, and two middle-aged women staring at me: Der ist aber schone wach. Wilst du Kaffee order Tee? Tea, if you have it. 

The day was spent walking around Prishtine, in the snow, and sitting in a café called New York Bagel, which did serve bagels, or something resembling bagels. As we sat around, we slowly amalgamated internationals, all German speaking and didn't interact with locals until we needed more coffee, or went to the popular (with internationals) music shop Ginger (where the proprietor is Kosovo Albanian). There is not much more to say about Prishtine. The evening was spent with more internationals in a Japanese restaurant and western style bars. I drank a bit too much, then we went back to A's place and I crashed out.

~The Bridge that Divides~

I stood on the Albanian side of Mitrovica and looked across the Ibar. I felt like a voyeur, staring at a car crash, staring at the misery of other peoples lives from a safe distance. But my conception of what the bridge looked like was wrong. I guess I had only seen a few pictures from the height of the tensions, when the there was a military presence. Now the bridge is open, with only a few shifty Kosovo police keeping order. Despite the bridge being open, no-one uses it. Serbs don't want to be seen crossing to the Albanian part of town, and vise versa. So now it is just an empty bridge, symbolic of division rather than unity. It could come to mean something else, but as long as the society here is allowed to slowly segregate itself, then it will remain empty and divisive. A tragic reminder of a more peaceful time, and the failure of the international community to forge something sustainable, based on mutual respect between the ethnicities. But maybe that is as it should be, yet I cannot accept that segregation is any kind of a solution. Separate, after all, is never equal.

The remainder of the trip was un-eventful and the Mini, sans catalytic converter, held its own, no problem. But I did make a mental note of how ironic it was that D was responsible for monitoring the recycling program in her building at work, yet she was driving round without her catalytic converter.

As we passed into Mitrovica North, the villages took on a Serbian feeling, both in architecture and construction. We passed no more burnt homes nor any more monuments to the KLA martyrs. There were also no more flags, at least no more Albanian or Kosovo ones. I couldn't help but think that one day, Mitrovica north would one day be part of Serbia again. As we passed into Serbia again and began the final stretch home, we were both tired. Conversation dropped off, we listened to the Clash and Moondog, and I began to think about leaving Serbia, leaving the Balkans, and how things were going to turn out. I left Kosovo and all the misery behind me, preoccupied, once again, with my own situation.

Finally, the snow had stopped falling.

Notes from a Trip Part II

The fact that cell phones with Serbian networks don't work in Kosovo is symptomatic of the folly of the whole situation. Serbia wants to maintain the claim that Kosovo is still theirs, yet they won't allow their networks to function there, essentially forcing the local Serbian population to take the Kosovo carriers (which are using Monaco numbers, don't ask me why), as they are subject to Kosovo energy supplies (except in Mitrovica north, where Serbia provides well for the Serbian communities).

But we were lucky to break down at a gas station attended by an man who loved Germany and Germans. He had lived there for two years as a Gastarbeiter during the war, and earned enough to buy a small farm for his family. Wuppertal ist super! He now worked at the gas station and cared for a cow and tilled a bit of land. His life was clearly tough, but he managed.

After taking a look into the engine and cleaning off the spark-plugs, he couldn't seem to find the issue. Instead of abandoning us though, he ran across the street and called over a mechanic to take a closer look. This young man spent a good hour checking everything and concluded that the catalysator was blocked. As he was making his assessment, he handed out cigarettes, as is the custom in Albanian communities. Then, cigarette in mouth, he continued to work on the engine. I wondered to myself, how safe that really was.

While the mechanic managed to get the engine to start, he said we should not drive to Pristina / Prishtine because it could really f' the engine up. What to do? The kindly gas station attendant offer us his cell phone and we called D's friend, who's car was also at the mechanic! But she said she would go get it and come rescue us. We would just have to sit tight for an hour or so. With the falling temperature and darkness, this was a less than fun prospect.

Once again the man at the gas station showed his kindness and took us to the back room of the station, and lit the wood fire for us. For the next hour we sat there with him, talking about his time in Germany, the agriculture of Kosovo, and of course, relations with the Serb community. Wir sind alle Menchen. Wir mussen zusamen leben. He said he never discriminated against Serbs when they came to his business, but he did think they were the troublemakers in Kosovo. But he just wanted to leave that all behind and face the reality that they lived side-by-side. It was hard to tell how much of what he said was what he thought we, as Germans or Internationals, wanted to hear, and how much was his opinion. But I chose to take him at face value because I have no reason not to.

As the attendant was showing us pictures of his kids, his boss showed up. The man was gruff, old and broken. He sat next to me in the back room, rolling a cigarette, and he seemed so sad, so tired of life. He reiterated the sentiments of our friend, that people needed to get along, but Serbs were the issue at the moment. But he did it with such tragedy in his voice, that I could not help but wonder what all his eyes had seen growing up as an Albanian in Kosovo. I never found out because D's friend showed up to rescue us.

These two men had shared their space with two total strangers, and given me a valuable insight into how people were living here, at least on the Albanian side. It was clear that there were so many issues in Kosovo, and not all of them were the result of tensions between Serbs and Albanians. It seems there is a growing disappointment with the central government and the lack of progress in ten years of International administration. People were living hard lives and had only seen the top dogs get richer, but nothing much had trickled down. Then there is the issue of bad water management, lack of agricultural development despite good soil conditions and plenty of arable land, and finally Leute in Kosovo haben zu viele Kinder. Das ist ein Problem, aber ich glaube das ich Kinder haben muss. Aber nur zwei. Andere Leute haben mehr.

By now it was really cold and dark out. The mini was covered in snow, but D decided she had to try and drive it to Pristina / Prishtine anyway. So I got in the car with her friend and we drove slowly behind her all the way to the city. We made it all the way without further problems, I quickly made good friends with A, D's friend, and soon enough we were on the 9th floor of the OSCE Building, drinking with the international community, looking out over the city.

Not for a moment did the snow stop falling. Welcome to Prishtine.

Notes from a Trip Part 1

At 22.00 I got a text message from D. "Do you have a sleeping bag?" No, I don't, but I'll bring a blanket, I replied. My thoughts turned to the trip. Where was I going? I had visions of sleeping in the car surrounded by thousands of wild eyed locals and internationals. Better get some sleep now, I thought.

We set out at 0630 from Belgrade in a 1996 Mini; the morning was cold and the sky light grey. I was surprised at how many people were on their way to work at that time. More, it seemed, than at 0800, a much more civilized time to be stirring. Neither of us had checked the weather, and ultimately there would have been no good reason for it, our plans were set. We were going to Kosovo come hell or high water.

The E75 heading south is a flat, boring road passing through equally dull and flat country-side. We passed the time talking about work, D's job application, and going through her CD collection. The mini held its own well, and though I had to jam my wallet into a small gap in the dashboard to keep the stereo from disconnecting, we drove in relative comfort. Our musical influences for the drive ranged from Cake's Fashion Nugget and a Beastie Boys mix, to Bertold Brecht's Die Dreigroshenopa, and I ate a lot of kikiriki. Just past Nis the sky grew dark and snow began to fall; it wouldn't stop until we were in Mitrovica two days later.

While the road became more interesting as we passed into the Presevo valley, the journey was largely uneventful. We turned off the highway at Bujenovac and made for the border. The road leading to Kosovo was in bad shape and to hope for a snow plow was folly. Fortunately the ground was warm enough that most of the snow melted into slush, and anyway, there wasn't much chance of building up speed on these roads. We climbed steadily in the short distance between Bujenovac and the border. But it was enough so that had the feeling that we were passing into Moriea from Rivendale. I looked around for hobbits, but only saw stone faced Serbian Police officers. Crossing the 'administrative line' was rather painless, thanks in part to the Dip plates on the trusty mini. From there it is a short jaunt through the demilitarized zone to the Kosovo border. Again we passed with no hold up. The Kosovo guard, upon seeing D's Italian passport, remarked buona sera. Neither of us informed him that it was only 11.00.

Once inside Kosovo I felt like I was going somewhere I wasn't supposed to. As if my parents had forbidden me to go, but I snuck out and went anyway. The difference is also instantly tangible, not just because of how the villages are organized, but because of the massive international presence. In the 45 minuets it took us to get to Gnjilane from the border, we passed Italian Carabinari trucks, UN SUVs, and EULEX jeeps. In addition to this, D pointed out what the ethnic composition of each village was we passed. But in most cases, you could tell by the flags. The Serbian 'enclaves', generally set slightly back from the main road, had large Serbian flags hanging down over the entrance, while the Kosovo-Albanian villages were littered with Albanian and American flags. At times these two flags were attached, like conjoined twins. I wanted D to pull over so I could give a short speech about flag code (the conjoined American and Albanian flag being a major violation...), but after seeing some of the burned out Serbian homes, I thought better of it. But the reality was that there was total segregation, and nowhere did the two groups meet.

Our first top was the OSCE field office in Gnjilane, where D. used to work. I was amazed to find that the "field office" was almost the same size as the entire mission in Serbia, at least from the staff presence. Over coffee, pizza we had conversations with the transport director and a program assistant from Democratization. These two men sat at the same table, and conversed with one-another as if it was normal. One was Albanian, the other a Serb. They were right, it is totally normal for two people to have a conversation. It is only when you introduce nationality / identity as a factor meant to influence their interactions that you have problem.

We left the field office around 1430, passing UNMIK, Ukrainian KFOR, and US Military installations on the way out of town. Each warned that I would be instantly kidnapped if I took any photos, so I looked straight ahead and smiled. We made it half way to Pristina / Prishtine before needing to fill up on gas. Once the car was fueled, D got back in and turned the key and ... nothing. We were in the middle of nowhere, without functioning cell phones (because Serbian networks don't work in Kosovo) and now without a functioning car.

All around us the snow kept falling.

24.03.1999 - 24.03.2009

Today is the anniversary of the NATO bombing in Serbia. Ten years ago today NATO began its campaign against Milosevic.

At 12 pm the air raid siren went off and the people are now gathering all over the city. They are gathering in front of the bombed out buildings. Later there will be an anti-NATO rally in the central square.

For the love of God, tell me what to do!!

I'm in another transition phase. After eight months in Serbia, it is certain that I am leaving at the end of the month. The question of "what's next," which is what everyone is asking me, is still unclear. Since this is not exactly an ideal time to enter the job market, and because I missed all the deadlines for getting into a graduate program or law school, I'm sort of treading water. Well, that is not entirely true, because I have the Roma paper to write and the ANS Conference to attend at the end of April. So my next weeks are well defined: writing and travelling. I suppose that isn't so bad. But it is the large black hole of unemployment in the post ANS period which is bearing down on me.

But what is the point of writing this? Simply that I find it interesting that I do not see the "freedom" (whatever that means) I currently have as a blessing, but rather as a curse. I mean, I am really free to go anywhere and do anything, yet all I want is for someone to come along and tell me what to do, to give me a job and define things for me. I remember a quote from my good friend Brian who said something like 'we want our freedom only so we can give it away to someone else.' I have to agree with that on many levels: personal and political. For me, thus on the personal level, I hate to be to confined and tied down by material things and jobs, yet when I experience that sensation of being so free, I run for cover and the 'safety' of belonging to something, and thus being tied down again, etc...

You can see this play out on a political level too. People were so eager to be 'free' of Bush, that they went and gave a huge mandate to Obama, rather than trying to reclaim the problems for themselves. Ok, maybe you can argue that in a democratic system the vote is essentially the individuals power to dictate how they think the problems need be addressed. But you can also say, particularly in the American two party system, there is very limited choice, and voting is just shifting power from one side to the other: thus freeing yourself of one party only to rush into the other one. I think this analysis is particularly relevant during the financial crisis (as it would have been following 9/11 also), where Americans are particularly frightened and looking for help. Obama really has a huge amount of power, because the citizens have given him a mandate, and no politician will seriously challenge him at the moment.

But we can also look at places like Kosovo and Montenegro and make a similar assessment. Both of them were so eager to get away from Serbia, thus in a sense freeing themselves of Belgrade. But both expressed immediate intentions to join the EU, thus giving up their sovereignty and adopting EU laws, practices and standards. In order to enter the EU, they must give up a significant amount of power to Brussels. In Kosovo, the situation is even more complex given the power of the EULEX, NATO et al. The international community essentially ruled by decree from 1999 until the declaration of independence in February, 2007, and today they still have control over virtually all the infrastructure and institutions, building them in the western image.

What this tells me is that we don't really like to be totally alone, that there is something of a heard mentality still in us, despite the supposed 'hyper individualism' of Western culture and globalization. I am free to go anywhere, yet to really do that would be to break from the group to which I belong, and renounce, to some degree, the desire to join another one. Just like with Kosovo and Montenegro, it is a precarious position to be in and can be very uncomfortable (because it is not the norm, and visibly sets you apart). Thus it drives me, and the Kosovars and Montenegrians, right back into the arms of another group, which can come in the form of a job, a relationship, a graduate program, EU membership, an ideology, etc...

Football Diplomacy

Croatia's top football team, Dynamo Zagreb, announced it is organizing a "friendly" match in Pristina against a local Kosovo side, Trepca 89. According to balkaninsight.com, this match is part of Croatia's ongoing bilateral initiatives with Kosovo, with who they have "positive relations." This is, of course, the same Dynamo Zagreb that was involved in the famous 1990 clash with Red Star Belgrade, which was the prelude to the break up of Yugoslavia.

Belgrade hasn't shown much reaction yet, but it will obviously see this as a direct slight by their neighbors. It is not like Serbia and Croatia are exactly best friends, but this is a strong statement by Croatia. Football maybe only a sport in some eyes, but its global popularity and financial value make it much more than that. In this case, where Croatia is further legitimizing the independence of Kosovo by sending its best soccer team in, the game has political significance. Serbia does not recognize the independence of Kosovo, nor is it going to any time soon, and thus seeing its neighbor to the north make such a clear statement of its own, which is in direct opposition to Serbia, is a studs up diplomatic tackle.

What is the motivation for Croatia in all this?, would be the key question. Politically it is clear that Croatia is working hard to get a spot in the EU, and since 22 of the 27 EU states have recognized Kosovo, it is fairly clear that Croatia is following the trend (the same argument can be made for Montenegro and FYROM by the way). Croatia is gaining some bonus points by engaging with Kosovo on the civic level, as well as on the political and the economic. But I think one needs to look deeper than that as this is also a move to shore up internal support for the Nationalistic government currently in power in Croatia.

Croatia has benefited in the past from taking aim, literally and figuratively, at Serbia. Likewise, Serbia has done the same to Croatia and benefited as a result. During the 1990's the Tujman and Milosevic regimes were rather complementary in achieving their designs for the territory of Yugoslavia. Their vicious brands of Nationalism, Leftist in Serbia, and Rightist in Croatia, enabled them to mobilize their people to break free from Yugoslavia and from each other, and to make their claims over Bosnian territory. So while they were in direct conflict with each other, they were actually helping each other at the same time.

While the context is different now, and there is less perceivable benefit for Serbia in this, beyond what Carl Schmitt would argue is giving Serbia a clear enemy against which to define itself, Croatia can marginalize its own Serbian minority from the political and cultural sphere, keep the nationalists happy by poking Serbia in the eye, and please Europeans by being a nice brother to little Kosovo. This also serves the American agenda that, for very unclear reasons, seeks to keep Serbia down. Having regional actors, especially such 'clean' ones as Croatia (an image not at all justified) engaging with Kosovo only blosters the inevitability of its de jur status as a Nation-State.

So football has a clear political agenda here. It serves Croatia in sprucing up its image abroad and in securing support back home; it serves Kosovo because it gives legitimacy to the institutions (such as the Kosovo Football Federation) and the government itself; and it serves the Pro-Kosovo international community in legitimizing its bid for statehood. 

Russia, oh Russia

Once again, there is war afoot. Once again it is in a region all to familiar with this brutal, life altering event. It looks almost inevitable that Russia and Georgia will be at War, if they are not already. What will this mean for the West? for the US? Will NATO be drawn in? Surly this is the front line with Russia, and both the US and NATO have strategic reasons for 'coming to the rescue'. All this can yield is further escalation between the Russians and the West, and history is all to familiar with that dynamic...

As I have just watched Zeitgeist, it seems so convenient (from the point of view of the Military Industrial Complex) that war and conflict is getting a healthy little booster, as if Iraq and the "War" on terror wasn't enough. Really, lets try something new for a change. I think 6,000 years of conflict is enough.

But what really has me mad, is the fact that S. Ossetia is right next door to Chechnya. Remember? That province in Russia that also wants to be free, but has been ruthlessly crushed over and over again. Sorry, why do they not have the rights that S. Ossetia has? And why does Kosovo not have this right either? Well, the reasons are economic and political in my mind. Obviously Russia wants to weaken Georgia, a country trying desperately to be part of NATO and the West, and Russia would like to strengthen Serbia, which (until recently) was fairly anti-West.

Lets not just pick on Russia here though, for the West is guilty of the same hypocrisy, only in reverse. The only reason they want to support Georgia, Chechnya and Kosovo is because it strengthens their position in this region. Why will the West raise military power against Russia here (in the name of freedom, self determination, etc.) but not on behalf of the most peaceful people in the World: the Tibetans? Basically, because we need China and can't really confront it, nor is there a huge strategic gain in liberating Tibet right now. But, to use Cold War terms, Containment is totally relevant in relations with Russia.

Once again, it all comes down to a war, a slaughter, over an invisible line in the dirt. We are witnessing exactly what powerful things national borders are. Yet, they only exist in our minds, and still they create such amazing devastation.

(re)tooling a bit...

Entries have been lacking, so has inspiration. I really think my Math class is to blame...

You're being to easy on soccer, he said. Well, I still love the game, and criticising your love is a hard thing to do. But he was right, I am. The transformative experience that this thesis is meant to be is on-going, and I have just spent the last two hours writing some of the most 'difficult' words in the process thus far. I am getting closer to the core issues, which is good, but I does cause lots of internal insecurity, and hard hours of self-reflection, and a few nightmares...

Excerpt:

"Popularly (Almond and Verba, 1969; Putnam, 1993; Gellner, 1994; Habermas, 2000) understood as the space dividing the political and the social, where the popular is expressed, and the demands of the state are handed down; it exists in the manipulation of the people be the state, and the state by the people. In this reading it is an independent area where people and government come together to build consensus, but a different reading (Zizeck, Schmidt, Gramsci) cast civil society as an extension of the state. In this model, the dialogue within civil society is state sanctioned and controlled at all times. That is to say, at no point are the ideas within civil society ever truly free or challenging, rather they are a product of mechanisms and values which the states has implanted before the citizen ever comes to express themselves."

The theme here is internal divisions are a training ground for individuals who will be employed for the 'greater' cause if need be. Looking at events in Serbia/Kosovo, it is hard to disagree. Soccer hooligans who cut their teeth fighting each other, are now employed to sack embassies and attack armed NATO troops. The story on Aljazeera.com today made me wonder if the supposed "orchestrated violence had any of the same people involved from the embassy assault. I'll never know, but I'll bet...

Well, time for bed. Math tomorrow....

Correspondence to a mentor

I enjoyed the article also ("Us against Them" in Foreign Affairs), though I don't entirely agree with its conclusions. Franklin Foer makes a similar argument in "How Soccer Explains the World" when he holds Catalan nationalism up as a model of how it can be a benign force. But then, in general, Catalan region is much wealthier than the Balkans. As I watched the videos on youtube, one of the consistent factors in the "reality" for hooligans was relative poverty, though there are many exceptions.

I finally found the full hooligan video on youtube.com (the one dealing with Frm.
Yugoslavia) and thus was not surprised to read the soccer firms were involved in the
recent violence in Belgrade. According to interviews in the documentary, all sides are
still eager to fight/kill each other. To me this suggests the "solid" borders have done nothing to create stability beyond keeping everyone in their corner.

As soon as there is any interaction, or challenge to this status quo, the violence flairs up (e.g. Kosovo). The fact that much of this violence finds its expression around soccer culture lead me to think, as an peace-making tool, soccer is tainted, at least in this region.

Perhaps going the Laibach venue would be an idea. Can soccer be made in(to) a social mirror? This would something to ponder in the 3 chapter/conclusion, and to think about for the summer...

Culture is a verb

The violence in "that" region called the Balkans is once again based on "that" myth called nationalism. As I read the news stories and blogs about what is happening, I think back to Bjelic's comment from the MUN panel, that we have two choices if we want peace: accept the status quo of borders as they are, or dismantle them entirely. Kosovo didn't accept theirs, but they didn't dismantle them, rather they built new ones. Now Serbia is rejecting this challenge to the status quo, so we have violence. Now I read on Yahoo! that Serbian football hooligans are joining the fight. I appreciate that they are assisting me with my thesis, but my stomach turns at reading such things...

...I want so badly for soccer to be a game of peace, of pleasure, and of understanding, but it has so much violence in it.

Been thinking a lot about how culture is a construction. It isn't rooted in hard biological fact; we are not who we are, on a cultural level, because of DNA, but because of what was put into our brain as we grew up. Education (in its many forms) and experience are the two obvious culprits who "produce" culture. This, in itself is not such a radical idea, but people often react as if it is. How else are you going to have an identity? It does challenge the notion of a free will however, and maybe that is why it is controversial.

If culture is constructed, then it can be deconstructed. This means it is not a real thing, but simply something we create in order to make sense of the world around us. In many ways it is unavoidable. The fact that nature can be deconstructed means it can evolve and change; it is an active thing, not a static one. We should treat it as thus and reject racist ideas (like the Huntington thesis) of cultural status quo.

How often have you hear people say things like "well, X is like that because they come from ... and that's just how they are there!" As if to suggest the person could never change, never come to a new identity. It is no different from Huntington suggesting that certain cultures are unable to achieve democracy "because that's just the way they are". Crap!

This is why I love watching Predictions of Fire and the work of NSK, they challenge culture to be full aware of itself. Their method is to perform the rituals of culture, national identity, etc., in a stylistic manor, thus confronting people with their own identities, thereby forcing a self-reflection. As Zizek said, they are not the answer, only the question.

Can soccer be such a mirror? Can it be held up to the public eye and force introspection? Can the rituals be a subversive critique of social life? I thought about these questions as I went through my warm up 'ritual' before last nights game. It was the first time I had been so aware that my actions were in fact ritualistic in nature. Here is how it unfolded:

1)undressing, taking of clothing, selecting the 'uniform' that I felt most attracted to. Yesterday it was last years MeMUNC shirt with the number 7. The dark color was what did it. I wanted people to ask about it. I put on the Adidas socks and pushed them down to my ankle. Then the shoes, I looked them over, loosened the laces and put them on. The final touch is my black Nike sweat band.

2)music. I put on my Ipod and searched for music. Started off with some Immortal Technique, then moved on to the Prodigy. All aggressive stuff. It always is when I warm up.

3)Gym. I hit the gym for 30-45 minuets as a warm up. nothing to hard, just streatching, some upper body stuff and 15 minuets on the bike. But its always the same routine.

Then I am ready. Ipod goes back into the locker, and I head upstairs to the pitch. I feel like a soccer player now, I walk different, I feel different. This ritual of new skin, agressive music, and physical movement changes my mentality.

Now I can hold the mirror up to myself, how can I turn it on those fans going to Kosovo to have a tear up?